Can I start by saying THANKYOU to each and every one of you in your response to my last post. You have touched my heart & uplifted me beyond belief - I have been walking on air since your lovely posts, emails & conversations. Things like this bring out the wonderful side of some people (and the nasty in others) and I am so grateful to you all.
I have managed to verbalise my feelings and felt the weight of the World lift from my shoulders. I had an Oprah-esque 'lightbulb' moment - I had given away my power to another person and that was not healthy. I may not be able to control others or situations - I can only control my own response to the things that I encounter - I had been giving much too much importance to other people's actions and directly related that to my own self-worth. How could I have let that happen? It's often the case in life - but once the realisation happens, it's up to me to stop that from happening. I have to KNOW I am worth more, worth respect, an important part of the World - a child of God, no less or more important than anyone else. And once I know that deep in my soul - then nothing and no-one else can make me feel otherwise. I think, finally, after all that has happened - I have finally learnt that lesson! :0)
Onto creative endeavours - I feel at this new high point it's about time I put myself out there a bit more - Here are two sketches I've been working on for my final assignment in drawing. The first one is Darcy & the second one is my dear friend Fiona's boy Joshua who died 3 months after Darcy from HLHS as well. I just put my ipod on and drew on the feelings I had at the time - and surprisingly despite the dodgy drawing abilities - they came out with an aura of peace & tranquility which was obviously the opposite to what I was feeling at the time?! But I suppose now, 6 years down the track - I do have more joy in my heart than pain...I can think of those days & feel the keen intense grief, but it's not the overwhelming feeling... I mainly just feel joy & lucky that I have a son like him, waiting for me, when it's my time :0)