At the Risk of Sending My Dear Readers Running for the Hills....

Awesome Koi Tattoo Example

I've decided to get a tattoo. Well, I decided to get one on the day I found out about Darcy having Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and having a limited chance of life, so that would be since the 6th of December 2002! I have been through many ideas for what I'd actually like to have done but I have finally picked the design.

Tell me, what do you know about Koi Fish? I've always admired them in the context of Oriental art and became curious after hearing about them being very popular in tattoos. After doing some digging, I found out the most amazing information that seems to speak of me, my history and my future:

• First, koi fish tattoos depicting the animal swimming upstream may represent strength during trying times. It takes a lot to be able to go against the tide of fate if life has stacked the odds up against you. Koi fish tattoos often represent victory despite terrible adversity: courageous triumph over a struggle.

• The Koi or "dragon fish" is the king of fish and holds special significance in China. The legend says: Any carp able to climb to the Dragon Gate along the Yellow River will be transformed into a dragon. As such, the koi has become symbolic of aspiration for lofty goals and dreams.

• The Koi Fish symbolizes courage in the Buddhist Religion. According to Buddhists, humans 'swim' through the 'ocean of suffering' without fear, just like a fish swims through water.

• The Koi is associated with the family. On Children's Day Koi flags are raised, Black Koi the father, Orange/Red mother, Blue/White for a boy, red/pink for a girl.

• Another word to describe "love" is "koi". The kanji character for "kokoro (heart)" is included as part of both kanji characters. Both "ai" and "koi" can be translated as "love" in English.

My transforming year spent in China, my struggles in life, the adversity of Darcy's death and my hopes for the future seem to be put so eloquently in my desire to adorn my body with a symbol of my devotion to my family.

It may sound completely irrational but I long to go through the pain of a tattoo to release some of my heart's pain. Another part of grief. Like I said, it's complicated and not for everyone. But I know it's for me. I don't know why I've had the compulsion to share this, I am worried you'll think me weird or something but I am so excited.